4 Strategies for Dislodging a ‘Stuck’ Marriage

stuckYou know what it feels like when your marriage is stuck. But do you know how to dislodge a stuck marriage mired in boredom, exasperation, or even hopelessness?

When you feel trapped, you need a helping hand to pull you out. So this month I’m extending a helping hand by offering 4 strategies (over the course of 4 weeks) which will help dislodge your ‘stuck’ marriage and move it on up to higher ground.

In the spirit of moving, I’ll let you in on what’s been going on behind the scenes in the Ralya household. Tom and I are moving from our beloved farm after having lived and loved here for 23 years.

The process of moving has been an emotional, educational experience which I’ll draw upon in my attempt to help you move to a new place in your marriage. I’ll also share personal anecdotes and pics in this August series of blogs.

So are you ready to get unstuck? Let’s begin!

Strategy #1 LISTENING TO YOUR SPOUSE

When Tom and I sold our farm, it was important to us to get on the same page concerning our next home. So we drew up a list of priorities we wanted in a home.

List of Priorities:

  • Beautiful view
  • Location close to our children and grandchildren
  • Downsizing
  • Character
  • Low Maintenance

Armed with this unifying document, we began making appointments to visit homes on the market. Yet because Tom and I are two very different people, and choosing a home is a personal decision, we didn’t always arrive at the same conclusion about whether the house fit the bill or not.

While touring one particular home, Tom grew animated about each room and how he envisioned himself living there. I didn’t share his excitement but didn’t say anything hoping it had more to do with the last cup of coffee he’d ingested and less with the home itself.

Still excited back in our car, it became necessary that I be direct and make it clear I couldn’t live in that house. Tom grew quiet.

After a few minutes, he stressed that if either of us had a strong objection to a particular home, it would be critical for the other person to listen and concede. His words warmed my heart and strengthened my trust.

I wish I could say I was quick to return the favor, but I can’t. After touring a home I could picture myself living in, I didn’t offer Tom the same respect he paid me. Consequently we got stuck, each digging in our heels. Read all about it here.

Moving requires you to let go of the old so you can move forward to a new place.

In order to move forward, you’ll need to discard your tendency to

  • Talk more than you listen
  • Listen only to what you want to hear
  • Defend yourself before asking God if there’s merit in what you’re hearing

Instead, take a step in a new direction. Meditate on the following verse. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what you need to know about the verse.

Listen, open your ears, harness your desire to speak, and don’t get worked up into a rage so easily, my brothers and sisters. James 1:19

Listening to your husband is a winning strategy that helps dislodge your stuck marriage.

 

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Maple Ridge Farm

 

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