Without ever realizing it, I approached my children’s sexuality steeped in shame distorted beliefs. I was embarrassed to call a penis a penis so we didn’t. We called it a ‘peter’ (my apologies to all the Peter’s out there!) And masturbation… I didn’t want to broach the topic, let alone say the word out loud.
Yet, if you want to create a safe home environment and prepare your kids for the sexual issues they’ll face, it’s important to begin the process of shedding personal shame.
None of us want to feel shame. Yet when you enter your story and see where shame has got you running for cover, you can choose to allow your Heavenly Father to begin the process of removing it and setting you free.
You’re probably not even aware that you’ve made the choice to hang onto shame. Satan will do anything to keep you locked in shame because when you feel the powerful emotion of shame, you will either hide or bring your shame to God. Satan is banking on the hope you’ll turn tail and run from God (think Adam and Eve).
If you’ve been harmed sexually (for a definition of sexual harm, see my blog Can You Detect Sexual Abuse), you’ve experienced shame- whether legitimate or illegitimate. And if you’ve not had help dealing with that shame, it’s still affecting you and your parenting skills.
I wish I would have known this information years earlier. But I didn’t. Consequently, I parented my children from this list of shame distorted beliefs:
- My body is not worth protecting
- Sexuality is wrong/bad
- If I ask someone to stop, they won’t listen. Worse, they’ll get angry and possibly blame me.
- Beauty isn’t safe
- I won’t be believed if claiming abuse
- I’m powerless to stop abuse
Parenting from these shame distorted beliefs, I didn’t create a safe environment for my daughter to tell me that she was being sexually abused by a cousin for 6 years.
But you can choose differently. And I want to help.
When you register for my FREE webinar, Not If, But When next Wednesday, you’ll discover
- 2 categories of sexual abuse to determine where you’ve suffered harm
- The process of shedding shame distorted beliefs
- 7 thoughts that will prepare you to be a gentle protector
- 6 areas of focus which safeguard your home from sexual harm
If you don’t bring your shame to God, it will fester in dark places. That why, like Adam and Eve hiding in the Garden, God has come looking for you. He patiently and lovingly beckons you into the light so He can reveal the lies you’ve believed in the dark. He’ll set you free step by step and make you strong. For you and for your children.
Beautiful Action Step:
Please forward this post to those whom the Spirit of the Lord brings to mind.